Hour 1 - Everybody Says Don’t

Dave begins recording a videotape explaining his reason for killing M.J. Delfino and why he wanted to make Susan suffer for killing his family, but is interupted by M.J. ringing the doorbell to show Dave his new tackle box for the fishing trip. The detectives investigating the club fire get a break when they get a call about an abandoned car that was rented by Samuel Heller which is confirmed by the dental records of the body but his secretary informs them that she has recieved text messages from him after the fire. Meanwhile, Susan tells Dave she cannot go on the trip because she wants to be around in case Jackson calls. When Dave reads the message from the investigators, he begins talking to hallucinations of Dr. Heller, his wife and Edie Britt. Dr. Heller tells Dave he is going to get caught, his wife tells him they should be together and shouldn’t care about getting caught and Edie tells Dave to just walk over and kill M.J.. Dave walks over to Katherine’s where M.J. is playing outside and just as he is about to pull out his gun to kill him, Susan walks out and tells Dave she has changed her mind about the trip. When the detectives talk to Jackson, they find out Dave was in the back storage room. Dave gives Mike his videotape claiming its the band’s performance and tells Mike not to watch it until after his honeymoon so he puts in a desk drawer.

Preston wants to spend six months in Europe but Lynette wants him to go to college and gets Tom to take him on a tour of the campus. When they return, Preston still has not changed his mind but Tom announces his plan to go back to school to major in Chinese. The other housewives tell Lynette that she needs to be manipulative and wait for an opportunity to arise. When someone from the college administration office leaves a message informing Tom of the correct time of the entrance exam, Lynette hides it from Tom and takes him out for dinner and plays the message when Tom is drunk and has no time to study. Tom believes he has failed the exam and tells Lynette the real reason he wanted to learn Chinese leaving Lynette feeling guilty.

Gaby tells Juanita that she is wearing jewelry to their family reunion at Carlos’s Aunt Connie’s because it will make her feel bad about herself and sad because she cannot afford it. Gaby explains to Carlos that Connie insults her every chance she gets but at the reunion Connie is extremely friendly towards her and Gaby is not buying it. Later, Aunt Connie announces that she only has a couple months left to live and asks that someone take in her granddaughter Ana. Carlos agrees to take her in, Gaby refuses at first but eventually gives in.

Bree and Karl at the storage unit with Orson secretly watching them. Bree is exicted to get the divorce over with so she can get on with her life and get Orson out of her life. Later that night, Bree returns home to find all of her valuables back in the house and Orson confronts her on why she did it so she informs him of the divorce. Bree tells him she does not want any of it and just wants to get out of the marriage. The next day, Orson tells Bree he filed an insurance claim under both their names and threatens to send her to jail for insurance fraud. He believes they can work it out but she tells him she no longer loves him.

Jackson calls Susan to say goodbye and tells her that he believes Mike was the one who tipped off immigration. When Susan tells Katherine about Jackson blaming Mike, Katherine is forced to reveal that Mike has no idea about Susan marrying Jackson for his green card and she was the one who sent the message about getting the alimony. Katherine tells Susan that she can make Mike happy if he gets over Susan. Susan asks Mike if he loves Katherine. After hearing that he does love her, she says thats all she needed to hear. They tell Susan that they are flying to Vegas to elope so Susan tells them she and MJ are going on a fishing trip with Dave.

Meanwhile, Dr. Heller’s receptionist calls Roberta and informs her that Dr. Heller is dead so she immediately goes over to Karen’s and they know that Dave was the one who killed him. Roberta wants to go to the police but Karen knows they need evidence so they decide to break into Edie’s house.

“Everybody Says Don’t” is the 110th episode of the ABC television series Desperate Housewives. It is the twenty-third episode of the show’s fifth season and aired on May 17, 2009.

Hour 2 - If It’s Only In Your Head

The episode begins with Mary Alice explaining the marriage of Lila and David Dash, three years earlier. When Lila wants to take them all out for ice cream. Dave tells her he cannot go because he brought work home, but promises the next night they will all do something special as a family. Mary Alice states there would be no tomorrow for Lila and Paige as it is the night they crash into Mike and Susan. The flashback ends with Mary Alice stating that the last thing Lila thought about was what her death would do to Dave and is lucky she would never know.

Mike has a weird feeling about Dave, but Katherine tells him that is just how Dave is. But when he wants to call them, Katherine tells him to put their bags in the car so they do not miss their flight. Katherine wants to stop at the store to get videotpe for the camera, but Mike tells her to grab one from the desk so she grabs the tape that Dave made. At the airport, Mike calls Susan and finds out everything is fine. Katherine asks Mike if he wants to go through with the wedding because she feels he is still hooked into Susan. Mike convinces Katherine he loves her, but when Katherine pulls out her purse she turns on the video camera. Mike sees the tape Dave recorded and tells a lady to tell Katherine he had to leave on an emergency. The lady repeats the message to Katherine, but fails to mention the word “emergency” so because of how the woman phrased Mike’s message, it appears to Katherine that Mike could not go through with their wedding and left her.

Karen and Roberta break into Edie’s house and while searching through his briefcase, they find the name “David Dash” on the pill bottles. The two investigators show up asking to speak to Dave and catch Karen and Roberta inside the house. The detectives got confirmation from the receptionist that David Dash was a patient there and is the same one whose wife and daughter died in the car crash. Karen tells them that she remembers that crash because her neighbors, Mike and Susan, were in that crash so Roberta tells them that is weird and wonders why he would move onto the same street as the people who killed his family.

Mike calls Susan and tells her that Dave is actually the husband of the wife they killed in the accident. Mike tells her they are in danger and needs to get away from him. Susan tries to find ways for Dave to pull over so she and M.J. can escape, but he is determined to get to the lake as soon as possible. Dave agrees to pull over and Susan takes M.J. to use the bathroom. When the detectives call Dave to inform him they know everything, Susan hits him over the head with a rock and tries to get the keys out of his pocket, but he grabs her hand. Susan gets her hand free and tells M.J. to run, but she trips over a rock and tells M.J. they are playing hide and seek and not to come out for anything. Dave grabs her and demands that she calls for M.J., but when she refuses he points his gun at her face, so she does, but only to tell him not to come out so he knocks her out with his gun. Dave eventually finds M.J. hiding behind a gravestone and gets them back in the car. When Mike calls, Dave answers and Mike tells him to let Susan and M.J. go and take him instead so Dave tells them to meet him on the same road where the accident happened. Dave ties up Susan and informs her that he and M.J. are going to pull into the intersection just as Mike goes speeding down that road. He wants Susan to watch as Mike kills their son just like she killed his daughter. Dave unbuckles M.J.’s seatbelt and when he looks through the rearview mirror he sees his daughter in M.J.’s place. Susan manages to get free and tries to get Mike to stop, but he crashes into Dave and Susan is devastated until she sees M.J. standing on the side of the road as Dave told him to get out. When the three of them gather together, Mike and Susan share a passionate kiss. After the crash Dave is put back in the mental hospital in Boston where in his mind, his family never died.

The Solises are waiting for Ana to arrive and because her father walked out, her mother is in jail and has been bounced around from relative to relative they want this to be the end of the line for her. Carlos wonders if she will remember him because he has not seen her since she was six. Carlos remembers doing fun stuff with her like taking her to the swings in the park, buying her ice cream amd giving her piggyback rides, but when she steps out of the taxi, he tells Gaby he does not remember that. Gaby explains the house rules to Ana and is shocked to find out that Ana gets designer clothes from guys for making them think she will have sex with them. Gaby comes back from doing errands and sees that Ana got the Scavo boys to do all the chores for her. Gaby scolds Ana as it sets a bad example for her daughters so Ana accuses her of being jealous because she is too old to get guys to do things for her. Gaby threatens to throw her out on the streets if she makes another comment like that. Ana goes outside and pretends to cry and tells Carlos that Gaby wants to kick her out so he tells Gaby to start acting like an adult…or else.

Karl is surprised that Bree told Orson about the divorce. Bree is worried because she is being blackmailed and if she does not pretend to love Orson, he will send her to prison. Orson is attacked by a man who warns him to let go. Otherwise, next time he will not. Orson thinks Bree hired the man to attack him, but realizes that Bree would never physically hurt him. Bree inadvertently changes Orson’s mind and he decides to stay as she did not know he had a packed suitcase and was ready to leave. Bree is furious that Karl hired someone to attack Orson and accuses him of turning her into a completely different person. Karl tells her she is the most fascinating woman he has ever met and when she fires him, he kisses Bree and enjoys it.

Lynette starts to feel sick so she calls the doctor, saying she thinks the cancer is back. Meanwhile, Tom is excited because not only did he pass the exam; he got in the top five percent while drunk. To celebrate, Tom takes the whole family out for hot fudge sundaes. Lynette strongly believes it is cancer, but is stunned to find out she is pregnant with twins again. The news causes Tom to wonder about college and Lynette about her job.

Two months later, everyone is attending a wedding in which Mike is the groom, but the bride’s identity remains a secret.

“If It’s Only In Your Head” is the 111th episode of the ABC television series Desperate Housewives. It is the twenty-fourth episode of the show’s fifth season and aired on May 17, 2009.

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